Why Forgiveness is Obsolete

My mother has always been an advocate of forgiveness. When I was a child she taught me early on to let go of being angry with people. If a friend hurt me she suggested that perhaps they didn’t realize what they had done. If it was a family member, well, families don’t hold grudges. And as Christians, that is what we are told to do: forgive one another as God has forgiven us. Extending mercy towards others has always come easy to me. I’ve never been one to hold on to resentment or anger.

As a motivational speaker, lecturing on forgiveness is one subject I’ve always been passionate about because it holds the key to inner peace. We cannot experience joy, love, health, or gratitude if we carry within us bitterness from the past. We cannot experience the full abundance of God’s blessings when we live with acrimony and hostility. There are many who want to forgive but don’t know how. For those individuals, I show them the steps necessary to achieve serenity.

However, I’ve since come to the awareness that forgiveness is actually not necessary at all. The reason why God gave us this gift of spiritual healing is because in our ego-centered brains we are quick to judge and label one another. “He’s a dead-beat dad.” “My sister-in-law is a real witch!” The moment we do so we trigger our own anger. We also make the mistake of comparing each other: “I would never hurt you the way you just hurt me!” “Your brother is a straight A student. Why can’t you be more like him?” And we are quick to criticize others for their perceived faults: “You think you’re better/smarter/prettier than everyone else.” Add to that the expectations we place on others that are totally unrealistic and unfair: “You’re an adult. You should know better than to get drunk when you go out.” And to exacerbate matters even more we take personal offense to their words and actions. (Behaviors are merely an outward expression of an internal issue. They have nothing at all to do with the person being targeted.) Judge, label, compare, criticize, expect, take personal offense: add, mix and ingest for one lethal cocktail!

Here’s the cycle most of us fall into: You say or do something. I place judgment upon you, compare you, label you, or take personal offense to your actions. I become angry and upset. In order to restore harmony within me I must put forth time and effort to forgive you so that I may once again experience the inner peace I had before this sequence began. Sounds a bit insane doesn’t it? It’s like having a new pair of shoes, walking through a mud puddle and ruining them and then spending time and effort to restore them to perfection. Why not simply refrain from soiling them from the get go?
So the question becomes: forgive you for what? For being human? For not being who you decided I should be? For not living up to my preconceived notions about where you should be in your personal journey in life? Sounds kind of arrogant and ego-driven to me.

Here are some suggestions to make forgiving obsolete:
1. Do not take personal offense to what others say or do. There behavior is not about you.
2. Remove all comparisons to yourself or others. Allow each individual to be who they are and do what is necessary for their spiritual journey.
3. Practice patience, compassion, kindness, and understanding.
4. Remove all labels and judgments. Be an “objective observer”.
5. Love unconditionally – all people, all of the time.

When you achieve a state of full spiritual awareness you remove all judgment, expectations, labels, and demands from yourself and others. Anger and bitterness are replaced with simple observation. One is able to view the other party’s behavior objectively and without opinion. It simply is what it is. By remaining impartial one avoids the entrapment of unsympathetic emotions, thus rendering forgiveness obsolete. And life becomes infinitely easier.

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Actualize Your True Self with Nomi Bachar, author of “Gates of Power” on The Nancy Ferrari Show

Tune into the Nancy Ferrari Show on Tuesday, October 21st, 10:00 am PT/1:00 pm ET airing live on www.W4CY.com and www.K4HD.com as Nancy’s featured guest is Nomi Bachar, a holistic spiritual counselor and a self-healing, self-actualization expert and author of Gates of Power: Actualize Your True Self which lays out a revolutionary method for opening ourselves up to inner power and the feeling full aliveness. She is the founder and Director of the White Cedar Institute for Expanded Living, LLC, and the creator of the Gates of Power® method. She is trained in psychodrama, Gestalt, bioenergetics, and primal therapy – all psychotherapeutic modalities that utilize expression, creativity, imagination, and intuition.

 

Ms. Bachar has been counseling and coaching for over 26 years, as well as lecturing, leading groups, training individuals and facilitating workshops and courses.  Cognizant that many of us feel we are “sometimes living alongside life, not really in it, as if there is a glass wall between us and life” Bachar has designed a step-by-step journey allowing the reader to find a path back to an open and expressive state of being. Her goal is to help reignite creativity, playfulness, open-heartedness and true fulfillment.
Simply laid out and practical the book outlines the seven Gates of Power; the Gate of the body, of emotion, dialogue, creative expression, life path, silence and finally the Gate of knowledge. It is the identification and classification of the Gates of Power that sets this book apart. Additionally, Bachar discusses her guiding principles for achieving an accelerated self-actualization through what she calls ‘The Four Commitments’. Throughout the book, Bachar draws on her wealth of experience with individual clients to give examples and explain her concepts in detail. The method unifies her knowledge of psychology, the creative process, the body and it’s energy, goal setting technology as well as spirituality.

nomi.bachar

January Jones – Angel Chatter & Askfirmations

Chris has been intuitive and sensitive for as long as she can remember with a deep yearning to serve others and help them within their lives. In fact during a session with the guidance counselor, she blurted out she wanted to be a psychologist. Now this may not sound note worthy, but it was an inspired comment as the angels came through her to speak the loving truth as this was not part of the family dynamics or her universe.

Fast forward four years; her high school guidance counselor at that time told her she would be a great court reporter. Chris succumbed and listened to the outside influence instead the influence of her heart. Bummer. Off to training she went. Got employed as administrative assistant, met her love, got married and their family exploded within one year. During the early years as a wife and mother, there were times when she was completely oblivious to her gifts and blessings, but the angels knew when she was ready.

They re-entered her life and the chatterings haven’t stopped since. Chris was guided to read about angels, intuition, the Law of Attraction, as well many many inspirational books. She also became a Certified Soul Coach, Archangel Enlightenment Therapist and a Licensed Crystal Therapist, in addition she became trained in many healing modalities. The blending of all of these flowed smoothly together creating a sense of peace, empowerment and much joy that emanated from within and propelled her further along her path of choice.

The Path of Her Heart

The process was certainly an evolutionary one! Some friendships strengthened. Some dissolved. Glorious new ones entered. True friends who could love her for her. Those who challenged her to be even better by really stepping into her blessing. She danced, had some knee-jerk reactions and went back into hiding, danced some more and slowly but surely was able to state with conviction, love and wisdom who she is and what she does. Which is:

 Your Transformational Coach With Angelic Insights

Isn’t it time you embraced your destiny as well?